How can he be so caring one minute and so cold the next. His mood swings are giving me whiplash.

I need to tell him how I feel. He looks serene and I’m angry, annoyed and hurt. He’s mercurial and I don’t know where I stand. I have every intention of telling him how I feel! It’s like he doesn’t care!

I walk towards him, he sees me, our eyes lock. Wow he is so beautiful. No! I need to remain angry, or else I can’t tell him! Tell this beautiful man that he drives me crazy and as much as I feel for him, I don’t think he feels the same!

I look in to his eyes, trying not to get lost, trying not to melt. We stand face to face, close. So beautiful. How can someone so beautiful make me feel so upset. I’m angry. I need to know how he feels about me. Why won’t he just say.

The words come out. I tell him. I tell him how angry I am at him. How I can’t understand why he’s so temperamental. How I feel he doesn’t care. Does he care? He doesn’t show it. I don’t know why. Why won’t he just be upfront.
I tell him we can’t go on like this. How I can’t carry on feeling this way. How unfair it is. I can’t stop the feelings from coming out. I can’t stop myself from talking.

He stands there, no expression on his face. I am fuming, how dare he not have anything to say, how dare he not care! I am so hurt, hurt because I don’t feel any warmth coming from him, it’s as if he no longer cares for me. This guy that I am falling so deeply for, doesn’t care.

We’re quiet. I have no more words left. I’m lost, I don’t know what to do. I can feel it, my heart is aching, the pain is taking over, I have to walk away. Tears are filling my eyes, he hurt me. I actually thought he would respect me enough to let me go if he didn’t feel the same.

He walks towards me, I walk back, I want to leave, I don’t want him to see me cry. I look away from him, he keeps walking me back, against the wall. He wipes the lonely tear that journeys down my cheek, holding my face in his hands he kisses me. He kisses me. Slowly. Looking in to my eyes. I kiss him back. I want him, he wants me. He kisses me passionately, we’re consuming each other.

The feeling of hurt doubles, the pain doubles, the intensity doubles and it all comes out in this kiss. The emotions are overwhelming, the passion is overwhelming. Our tongues clashing, I am pushed against the wall, I hold on to him.  I want more, I want more, I want so much more from him. Why can’t he see I’ve fallen for him. My heart is pounding, I can’t control myself. I want him.

He stops, suddenly, pushing himself away, holding my face, eyes blazing, looking deeply in to mine. We stare at each other. He pushes his body against mine, eyes locked, his hands slide down my body to my waist, I wrap my hands around his neck. I tingle at his touch, sending shivers through my body.

Finally his eyes soften, he tilts my chin up and kisses me softly. I am breathless, my whole body wants him.
He starts kissing my neck, I love when he kisses my neck, he knows I’m all his when he kisses my neck, between kisses he softly whispers, “don’t…ever…doubt…my…feelings..for…you…” He stops and stares in to my eyes and continues, “this is how I feel about you,” he kisses me. Softly, with care, with love, with everything I wished for and with all the love he has to give.

The anger, upset and hurt has gone.

I just needed to know.

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