We found ourselves wandering alone in a city that didn’t seem to sleep. We’d been together all day and only in the middle of the night did we manage to claim some time alone. We had spent the day smiling, laughing, enjoying ourselves around others, it was amazing to be around him. He made me feel special, he made me feel protected, he made me feel feminine. This man, with class, taste, and ooozing sex appeal.

I wondered if he knew he had this appeal. 

I couldn’t believe how open I was with this man, how comfortable I felt, yet he still managed to make my heart race when he looked at me. I wanted him to look at me, not take his eyes off me. I loved the way we would catch each other’s gaze, it made my heart stop.

I wondered what he was thinking.

This man was my knight in shining armour and we were alone, in this city, in the middle of the night. He took me by my hand and led the way, we sat, I felt confident yet shy. We talked, all I wanted him to do was hold me in his arms and kiss me. He didn’t. He didn’t because we both knew it was wrong. I still wanted him to hold me.

I wondered how he felt.

He said we should go, my mouth said “okay”, my head said “talk”, my heart said “please stay”. I didn’t want this night to end, not like this. Hold me, please hold me. Hold me and feel how I feel, feel how much I want you to hold me, how much I want to hold you.

I wondered if he knew how I felt.

Deep down I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to talk, yet, maybe this was the right frame of mind. I felt bolder and braver than ever before, yet shy, so shy, how could I tell him how I felt? We walked back, I don’t remember walking back.

I wondered if he really cared.

We were back where we started, we were truly alone, no one but us, silence surrounding us. He walked towards me, placed his hands on my face and kissed me on the lips, I didn’t react, why didn’t I react? My mind said “be careful”, my heart said “I hope this happens again”, my mouth did nothing. Nothing, I stood frozen.

I wondered why I couldn’t move.

I walked away wondering what would have happened if I had reacted. I was scared because it was all wrong, our situation was wrong, it wasn’t meant to be like this. I was scared because I wanted to kiss him back. I was scared because our situation was wrong and I still wanted to kiss him. I was scared that if my frame of mind was different, I would have kissed him back.

I wondered if he knew I was scared.