I wanted to write a letter to my ex for years now, to apologize for the heartache. I was young and immature – he was 9 years my senior. It was a turbulent relationship. I took a chance. And we fell in love. Emotions ran high. When it was good it was paradise and when it was bad it was like a living hell. It was far too much passion. It was far too much everything. We were both to blame. Yet I never apologized, and I mean truly apologized for the damage I had done to the relationship.
I’ve always wondered if karma has been kicking me on my ass ever since or whether or not I’d really put closure on the past. Recently I felt the need to write to him because of heartache I’d been through lately. I felt a need to put closure on everything that had happened lately and previously. To break this cycle of mistakes I keep making with love. To move on. So I’ve put my letter for all to see as it’s never too late to say sorry. It’s not about ego, it’s about taking the time to reflect and apologize. It’s about timing. I feel like my apology was good timing, I felt it in my heart. I’m glad I did it and I hope my life will change and I will move on to a new chapter. With a new love and new beginnings.

 

Dear xxx

I hope you and your family are keeping well. I know this message is totally out of the blue but I feel that I need to message you.
I wish to deeply, so very deeply apologize for the heartache and pain I caused you when we were together and after we broke up.
I know this is all in the past but I’m at a time of my life where I need and want to say this to you. I’m sorry, xxx.
I don’t think I really truly forgave myself for how I acted, so maybe this is my way of forgiving myself too and healing my soul. No one ever deserves how I acted and I’m truly sorry and hope that you’ve forgiven me.
It really changed my life and who I am, so in a way I’m grateful for everything that happened. Not the way I acted but the whole break up – I’m glad that happened. It changed my life and made me who I am today. I’ve seen it as a blessing in disguise. Thank you for teaching me this lesson in life.
I really do not need a reply from you. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for everything that happened. I’ve always wanted to say this but also wanted to say it after true period of reflection – then life goes on, time flies and it suddenly comes to my mind and now there’s no time like the present. Thank you for reading. I wish you well.

Best wishes
xxx

 

I didn’t expect a response and it was nice to receive one.

 

Hi xxx thanks for your message it was quite a shock to hear from you as I thought you would never want to talk to me. Our relationship was very stressful at times but so much time has passed now so when I look back I remember the good times we had together, as-well as the bad. And I think as bad as it was we had some very good times together. The start of our relationship was a real romance of forbidden love because of our cultural differences. But regardless of that we wanted to be together. The holiday we took together in Rome was a real adventure riding our bikes everywhere we went and you were so much into your da Vinci code. I think our love for each other was strong but maybe back then you had a lot of other emotions that made things difficult. I am glad to hear you are in a better place.

Take good care
xxx

And so this brings an end to a very long chapter in my life. I embrace new beginnings and fresh starts. I look forward to what my life has to bring in love and I will never stop searching for it.